What is it like to finish?

[jecoleuk]

No seriously. What is it like?
What is it like to hold in your hand something for which you have labored on and sacrificed time and energy for?
What is it like to hold in your hand something that would not exist if not for you?

What is it like to hold a physical representation of hours/days/months/years worth of work?

My thoughts have been dwelling on these questions of late. As i approach the end of creating the most demanding thing i have ever attempted, I find myself wondering what it will feel like to finish.

Let me share a small revelation with you: I've never completed anything that I've not cut a corner or tried to find a short cut through. I've never had to sit on my arse and work on something until I got it right. Sure, there will be grammatical errors and plot holes but none have been recreated though laziness or a desire to get the bloody thing done, finished and off my back.

I have an invested interest in doing this right. Never before have I been so committed to delivering something which is genuinely that best that I can do.

Never.

This is an entirely new experience for me. Part of me wondered why I've never done it before, then another part of me remember full well how much hard work it has taken for me to reach this point. Part of me remembers how much time i have sacrificed for this..novel.

Let me share another revelation with you. It is only now, after writing nearly 124,000 words, 272 pages, reading voraciously in a manner that I've not done since i was a child, and actually buying books for research purposes that i actually feel that conformable with calling myself a writer. Previously, i felt like a fraud. As if at any moment, someone would tap me on the shoulder and inform me that i was a fake and charlatan. That I would be escorted off the premises forthwith and not be allow back in. I've been informed by several writers that this feeling is quite common when your just starting out.

The end, the REAL end is still some way off. But AN end is within sight. And for some reason i feel a great sense of....apprehension. That the feeling of euphoria I'll experience will be tainted by the knowledge that i should and could have done this sooner if not my my own laziness and fear. A fear of failure or fear of looking stupid.

So i ask: What is like to finish?

Tell me.

Comments

[tormentedartist.livejournal.com]

Cheers! getting something done is worthy of feeling proud of no matter what. Maybe you weren't READY to do this until now. If you were truly ready in your heart, then I believe that you would have done it already. Just be thankful that you were ready and able to do it.